Supporting someone you care about

When someone shares an experience of sexual violence or SGBV with you, listening without judgement can be an important form of support.

• Give them your full attention. Put your phone away and allow space for them to speak or remain quiet.
• Let them share as much or as little as they choose. Avoid asking for details they do not want to discuss.
• Believe what they tell you. You do not need to investigate, question or verify their experience.
• Give them time. They may need pauses or may not know exactly what they want to say.

You do not have to find the perfect response. Sometimes simply being there is enough.

When supporting someone after sexual violence, simple and reassuring words can help them feel heard and supported.

You might say:

These responses can remind someone that they are believed, that responsibility for the violence does not belong to them, and that they still have choices about what happens next.

Some questions or comments can unintentionally make a survivor feel blamed, pressured or dismissed.

Try to avoid:

• Questions that suggest blame, such as “Why were you there?” or “Why didn’t you leave?”
• Pressuring them to report the experience, confront someone or take action before they are ready.
• Asking why they did not respond differently during the experience.
• Minimising what happened with comments such as “It could have been worse.”
• Comparing their experience with someone else’s.
• Telling them how they should feel or how quickly they should recover.

Supporting a survivor means respecting their experience without taking control of their decisions.

You do not have to become their counsellor or solve everything yourself.

If they are interested in mental health support, counselling or other professional services, you can help them explore their options.

• Share information about available survivor support services and let them decide whether they want to reach out.
• Offer practical help, such as sitting with them while they browse support options.
• Offer to accompany them to an appointment if they would find that helpful.
• Help them look for support available in their preferred language or location.
• Respect a “not yet” if they are not ready to seek professional support.

The goal is to make support easier to access without making the decision for them.

A survivor may make decisions that are different from what you would choose.

That is okay.

• Let them decide whether they want to seek counselling or other professional support.
• Do not pressure them to report the violence or take legal action.
• Respect their decision about who they want to tell.
• Keep what they share private, unless there is a specific reason to discuss confidentiality and safety with them.
• Check in gently over time rather than expecting recovery to happen according to a schedule.

Support should give someone more choice, not take choice away.

Supporting someone who has experienced sexual or gender based violence can affect you too.

You may feel worried, angry, helpless or emotionally overwhelmed. These feelings do not mean that you are doing something wrong.

• Give yourself permission to take breaks.
• Set gentle boundaries around what you can and cannot do.
• Talk to someone you trust if you need emotional support.
• Consider professional support if supporting someone begins affecting your own wellbeing.
• Remember that you can care deeply about someone without being responsible for their entire recovery.

Taking care of yourself can help you continue being a supportive person without carrying everything alone.