Supporting someone you care about

If someone has trusted you with their experience, that trust is a gift. You don't need perfect words — presence, patience and belief matter more than anything.

Gentle Guidance

Explore each topic for a few practical suggestions on how to support survivors of gender-based violence. Every person and situation is different — take what feels right for you and the person you're supporting.

How to Listen
  • Give them your full attention. Put your phone away and allow them space to speak.
  • Let them share as much or as little as they want. Avoid pressing them for details.
  • Believe what they tell you. You do not need to investigate, question or verify their experience.
  • Give them time. They may not be ready to talk about everything at once.
  • Listen without judging, blaming or comparing their experience with someone else's.

What to Say
  • “I believe you.” and “This is not your fault.” are powerful places to start.
  • “Thank you for trusting me.” Acknowledges what it took to speak.
  • “I'm here to listen.” Let them know you're there for them.
  • “What would feel helpful right now?” Gives them the choice.

What Not to Say
  • Avoid blame: “Why were you there?” or “Why didn't you leave?” Can make them feel responsible.
  • Avoid doubt: “Are you sure that's what happened?” Can make them feel disbelieved.
  • Avoid pressure: “You have to report it.” Takes the choice away from them.
  • Avoid minimising: “It could have been worse.” Can feel dismissive and stop them from opening up.

Helping Someone Find Professional Support
  • Offer options, not instructions. Share reliable resources and let them decide what feels right.
  • Offer practical support, such as sitting with them while they explore services.
  • If they want, offer to accompany them to a first appointment or help contact a service.
  • Respect a “not yet”. Support works best when it's chosen, not assigned.

Respecting Their Choices
  • A survivor may make decisions different from what you would choose, and that's okay.
  • Respect their choices and give them space to select the support they need.
  • Don't pressure them to report, confront someone or seek help before they're ready, unless there's an immediate safety concern.
  • Keep what they share private and don't share their story without their permission.
  • Check in gently and give them time to recover at their own pace.

Looking After Yourself While Supporting Someone
  • Supporting someone can affect you too. Your feelings deserve care and support as well.
  • Give yourself time to process your feelings and set healthy boundaries when needed.
  • Take breaks when conversations become overwhelming.
  • Remember that you cannot be responsible for someone’s entire recovery.
  • Counsellors and support services can support you too. Reach out if you’re struggling.

You can share this resource

Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply leaving a door open — a link, a quiet "whenever you're ready".

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